Three versions of an IELTS Task 2 introductory paragraph

ScottsEnglishScottsEnglish Administrator Posts: 1,056 admin ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭
edited August 2017 in Writing
Read the following IELTS Writing Task 2 Question and carefully identify the topic you will need to write about.


The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


So, what's the topic you will need to write about? Well, it's: Do working mothers produce juvenile children? Do you remember the best way to begin your answer?  If not, click here


Below are three different sentences (S1, S2 & S3) giving you examples about how to write your first paragraph.  Read them carefully and write your own beginning paragraph below 

S1

The influence on the behaviour of working women’s children is topic often discussed.

 

What affect working mothers have on the behaviour of their children is a hotly debated topic around the world today.

 

Working mothers and the impact they have on their children’s behaviour is an often discussed topic today.

 

S2

Some feel that because mothers work, their children’s behaviour is poor and they often become juvenile delinquents - while others disagree.

 

Many blame working mothers for the rise in juvenile delinquency around the world, while others disagree.

 

Looking for an answer to the increased rate of juvenile delinquency, many blame working mothers - while others have a different view.

 

S3

In my opinion,  juvenile delinquency cannot be solely blamed on working mothers however, I feel it does play a big part.

 

In my opinion, it is not appropriate to blame working mothers for the increased rate of juvenile delinquency.

 

From my perspective, the increase in the poor behaviour of young people is largely due to the increased number of working mothers.

 

Comments

  • ingweingwe Member Posts: 1

    In my opinion,  juvenile delinquency cannot be solely blamed on working mothers however, I feel it does play a big part.

    Juvenile delinquency can not be blamed, enterally on working mothers the fact that they are work to make ends met. In order to pay the bills for the shelter, food and much more for conducive living conditions for the children, said to be privileged and motivated and capable of becoming higher achievers in school. On the other hand, the mothers spend most of the time busy working mostly busy shifts which may lead to stress. Stress is known to affect one's behavior and they relate to others especially children this can have devasting impact on the children later life


  • ScottsEnglishScottsEnglish Administrator Posts: 1,056 admin ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭
    Good work, Ingwe.  Here's an improved version of what you wrote:

    Juvenile delinquency can not be blamed  completely on working mothers simply because they work to make ends meet. They work hard to pay the bills for the shelter, food and much more to ensure a high living standard for the children, to give them the best chance of becoming high achievers at school. It is true that mothers can spend a lot of their time working mostly busy shifts which may lead to increased stress for them. Stress is known to affect one's behaviour and this, in turn, can negatively affect their children's behaviour as they grow up.


  • leilaleila Member Posts: 2
    In the last two decades, the number of both working mothers and teenagers with social problems such as juvenile delinquency have increased. While some people argue that mothers' employments have direct positive impact on their young adults' problems, however not everyone agrees. I believe there are so many factors that contribute to juvenile delinquency in our young population, which mothers' employment could be just one of them. 
  • ScottsEnglishScottsEnglish Administrator Posts: 1,056 admin ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭
    Nice try, Leila.  Here are our suggestions for improvement:

    In the last two decades, the number of both working mothers and teenagers with social problems - such as juvenile delinquency - have increased. Some argue that a mothers' employment has a direct positive impact on their teenagers' problems, while others disagree. In my opinion, a working mother does contribute to juvenile delinquency, however there are a number of other factors that have a (bigger) influence. 
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